Ex Patria

Brother Sun and Sister Moon

We are trying to do something with the boys every day - otherwise, we'll get cabin fever with Hyperboy and Mr. Defiance.  Today, my Mom and I took Alan and Jacob to walk the Path of St. Francis [Link in German only].

This is a new installation, to be presented to the public in May 2007.  My Mom approved it as a member of the city council of the city of Ostheim.  It's mainly located in my Dad's hunting lease.  You could say, the Path is family business (just kidding!). 

The Path is five kilometers long and leads through ten so-called "meditation stations" where local woodcarving artists have created ten pieces of art, corresponding with the ten stanzas of the Canticle of Brother Sun (of course, in German, it's Sister Sun, and Brother Moon because of the articles, but never mind).  They really did a great job.  The stations are lovely and thought-provoking.  Because this is a rather wild and remote place (by German standards), you are alone with the art and with the nature that St. Francis loved so much. It's very -- meditative.

There are also seven stations along the "Life's Way", the Lebensweg.  These are meditations about life, pure and simple.  They are connected with the natural flow of the path -- a street crossing leads to a meditation on just that, crossing.  Another station is at a steep decline and muses on how we sometimes need to hold on to something to keep us from stumbling and falling.

As I said, the Path isn't officially opened until May so it's not quite finished yet.  Certainly the  loggers have messed up the paths something bad these past weeks - deep grooves made going with the stroller quite, um, challenging.  But we walked the entire thing, and so did Alan.  Not bad for a four-year-old. 

For me, it was enchanting, elating, calming, and strange.  Remember, it's my Dad's hunting lease.  I grew up in those woods, we used to have potato fires there in the fall, and our Sunday walks.  It was odd to think that masses of people would wander along those paths one day. (Also bad for my Dad's hunting.)

But, I approve.  It's a great idea, and very well executed.  The art is exquisite, and if you ever find yourself in the neighborhood, I definitely recommend to stop for an hour or two and walk the path with St. Francis, celebrating Brother Sun and Sister Moon.

Better living

Alan's ADHD was really bad those past few weeks.  His teacher noticed it at school, we noticed it at home.  Especially weekends tended to be really terrible - I get so worn out by the sheer noise level that comes with his hyperactivity, and the repeated, ever louder commands we have to shout just to get him to put on his boots...

This morning was another really bad morning.  We're in Germany at the moment and both my parents were horrified.  There was no talking to him because he didn't hear us.  He had not been able to make eye contact with me all week long. 

"Alan, look at me.  Look at me!  LOOK AT ME!!!" 

A fleeting glance, not more.  On top of the hyperactivity, he's now also very forcefully angry.  He just can't control himself, at all.  It's always loud, intense, over the top.  More than you can take.  More than I can take. He makes me really angry, to a point where the intensity of my anger scares me.

Even when he's happy, he will hug you with such force that he will knock you over.  Imagine that with other kids.  We already had some feedback from other children that he hurts them (never intentionally, just by flailing his limbs around), that he never stops talking, that he's always so loud. Add two years and he'll be an outsider.

This afternoon, I couldn't take it anymore.  He was doing contortions under the dining table, again.  Unable to have his meal in whichever way, flailing, yelling, incontrollable.

So we gave him half a dose of Ritalin, for the first time ever.

I was quite nervous about this.  I've educated myself a lot on the topic.  I know how Ritalin works in kids with ADHD and how it works in kids who have no ADHD.  I know the anecdotal stories about Doug in his childhood and Ritalin and how it made him crazy.  That's why we held back for so long. 

During the next half hour, I felt sick to my stomach.  I'm so not a drug person that it felt almost like a crime to give him this medication.  What would happen?  You don't run experiments on your children, you just don't.  Right?

And then, my little boy, after twenty minutes, came up to me and asked me something. I don't even remember what it was.  I just remember that he looked me into the eyes.  An open, direct look.  Just like that. 

I nearly wept.

He played peacefully with the Playmobil toys afterwards, sat next to his Daddy on the couch playing SesameStreet games without fidgeting, solved math puzzles without apparent difficulties, interacted with his brothers in a normal brotherly way (i.e. fighting in normal doses).  He's not limp, he's not hyper, he's not compliant to the point of abulomania.  He helped me decorate the tree, and he put fifteen candles into candle holders - where he would normally lose interest after two or three at the most. He's happy, and funny, and cunning like always.  But he's not over the top anymore.

He's just - Alan.  And that's wonderful.

Better living through chemistry.

[I'm still conflicted about it.  But as the Ritalin wears off I see the difference even more.  It will be a while before I can sort out how I feel about this.]

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays from all of us to you!

Concern

From the Union of Concerned Scientists:

political interference in science The United States has an impressive history of investing in scientific research and respecting the independence of scientists. As a result, we have enjoyed sustained economic progress and public health, as well as unequaled leadership within the global scientific community. Recent actions by political appointees, however, threaten to undermine this legacy by preventing the best available science from informing policy decisions that have serious consequences for our health, safety, and environment. Across a broad range of issues—from childhood lead poisoning and mercury emissions to climate change, reproductive health, and nuclear weapons—political appointees have distorted and censored scientific findings that contradict established policies. In some cases, they have manipulated the underlying science to align results with predetermined political decisions. They have also undermined the independence of scientific advisory panels by subjecting panel nominees to political litmus tests that have no bearing on their expertise, and by nominating under- or unqualified individuals—some of whom have industry ties that could represent a conflict of interest. Other scientific advisory committees have been disbanded altogether. These activities have naturally outraged members of the scientific community, and have also drawn criticism from numerous legislators who rely on the independence of government research. The American public, which trusts its government to make well-informed decisions in the interest of public health and safety, should be concerned as well. UCS is working with scientists and ordinary citizens alike to spur appropriate legislative and regulatory action. Find out more information about how you can help us restore scientific integrity to federal policy making.

Bliss

Thank you, Carlos.  Forever in your debt.

Nikolaus

Yesterday was St. Nikolaus Day.  The kids put their boots outside in the evening, and sometime during dinner, presents and sweets get left behind by St. Nikolaus who does his tour around the world that night.  They had fun, as one can see - and what could be better than a giant Robot-Fighter (that comes in gazillion pieces!)?  Right.  Nothing could be better.

Ever closer

The Episcol Church of is undergoing some vital changes these days.  Some congregations are not happy with the appointment of an openly gay bishop in New Hampshire (where else?).  After the vestries of the Truro Church and The Falls Church have recommended that the congretations should take up with CANA, a Nigeria-based Anglican branch, the church members are this week voting on the issue.  It is expected that both congregations will follow the recommendations of their leaders.

CANA is headed by a bishop by the name of Akinola who is in favor of jailing gays.

Why is this so important to me?  Well, my brother-in-law and godfather of David sits on the vestry of The Falls Church.  And my very best friends' brother is gay.  And I'm leaning ever close the the Unitarian Universalist view of the world.  Those things don't mix very well.

It feels to me that my world is getting ever smaller and at some point, I cannot just shut up and be quiet for the sake of family peace anymore.  I will have to make my point, for Dan's sake, and for my own sake.  I don't want to cause yet another rift in the family but then, how cowardly would it be to just not say anything? 

I'm going to see my family in January.  Will I dare to wear my HRC T-shirt? Is that too risqué?