Ex Patria

The Door of Humility

We went to Bethlehem yesterday.

It was a long trip.  Considering that Bethlehem is just some 25 km away, the one hour drive seems excessive.  It's not that the roads are bad -- although those switchbacks are hair-raising -- it's that the Palestinian busses have to drive all the way around Jerusalem.  Imagine Ramallah to the north of Jerusalem, and Bethlehem due south of it.  Jerusalem is big but luckily, Ma'ale Adumim is not (yet) incorporated into the walled section, so it's an hour of driving when it should be half an hour.  On the other hand, you won't get into rush hour traffic, so there's that.

Bethlehem is strange.  The first big building you'll see on Manger Square is the Bethlehem Peace Center, which has a big banner on it that says, "Return is our right and our destiny."  Inside, you'll find a bookstore with political posters and lots of Pro-Palestinian literature.  As sympathetic as I am to the Palestinian cause, I don't think you can make peace all by yourself.  There's always two sides to the story, and so far, we're only seeing one side.  As Doug says, we need to spend some time in Israel to get a balanced picture.  The Bethlehem Peace Center definitely does not do "balanced".

That said, I discovered a team of photographers based in Bethlehem - Andrea and Magda.  Check out their work if you have a few minutes.

I'm of two minds about the Peace Center but their cafe is nice.  While socialist in style and decor, the food is really yummy, and the kids fell in love with their lemonade with mint -- after initial confusion about green lemonade and the spearminty taste. 

It was a very hot day, and the sun was scorching.  What with getting up a bit later than normal, the long drive, and having lunch first thing upon arrival, we ended up walking around in the hot noon sun which was a bad idea.  The kids were grumpy and complained about the heat and the dazzling brightness, so we turned to the Church of Nativity to cool off a bit.  Unfortunately, our weekend trips always coincide with large groups of tourists milling around.  The line that formed in front of the Grotto of Nativity was so long, and our kids were so grumpy, that we chose to forego that.  We came close enough to Jesus' place of birth, we decided, and who knows whether it was really right there, and not maybe over here.

The church itself is odd - both old and new, a rambling expanse with lots of incense burners dangling from the ceiling, some lovely mosaics, and various different kinds of priests and monks.  It's a veritable melting pot of Christianity, with Armenians, Franciscans, Greek Orthodox and others all right next to each other. I like that.  There is a lovely cloister, complete with St. Hieronymous statue, and not many of the tourists go there, so it's calm and green and quiet. 

What I really, really liked is the entrance to the church.  Now, this is the big thing, right?  Here, we are led to believe, Jesus was born and even if you don't go for the Son-of-God thing, you have to admit that Jesus got a lot of things very right.  So it's a cool place to go to, and thousands of tourists are going every single year -- and they all enter the church bowed down.  Because, you see, the main entrance is not a giant gate or double-door or mighty opening in a wall.  It's a tiny door, just big enough for a kid, and anybody over the age of 10 has to bow deeply to fit through.  That's why it is called the Door of Humility, and I can't tell you much this pleases me.  I find this very appropriate in a land where you find so many different religions who all think they got it right.  A bit of humility is really a good thing.

Of course, the story behind the door is rather prosaic.  There used to be two more bigger entrances which were walled up, and the present entrance was made smaller to prevent horsemen from just whisking through.  It's still impressive, this small hole in the wall of a big, big church, and one tourist after another bowing through.

We went to the Milk Grotto afterwards.  The story goes that as Mary and Joseph fled Herod's soldiers, they stopped in this grotto so that Mary could nurse baby Jesus.  A drop of milk spilled on the red rocks and turned them white.  Today, it's a popular destination for new mothers and women trying to get pregnant - it's said that if you mix the white chalk with your food, or simply touch the white rock, you will get pregnant and/or never have lactation problems again.  There are letters and pictures sent from grateful mothers from around the world attesting to the potency of the white rock. Well, if it works for them.  Personally, I'd never before seen an icon with a breastfeeding Mary complete with exposed breast, and that totally worked for me.

There have been churches and buildings over and around the grotto from early on.  The Franciscans then built a church over the grotto in the 1870s and a very modern church was added in 2007, complete with sweeping underground walkways that connect the modern with the old parts.  It's rather serene and also quite empty -- I suppose the tourist groups skip the grotto.  Or maybe we were just lucky.

On our way back we stopped at one of the many olive wood "factories" that produce an endless supply of Christmas ornaments for the rest of the world.  The owner is a shrewd and sweet guy whom I thought to be gay, although Doug said he didn't pick up on that.  For me, being a gay Palestinian in Bethlehem pretty much defines the word "trouble", so we made all our gift purchases in his shop.  We climbed the steps to the rooftop to have a breathtaking view over Bethlehem, all the way to Jerusalem, and watched the three workers produce masses of carvings in the little workshop.

Our kids were delighted by the wood scraps they got for free, and with the Angry Bird toys...

Oh, I forgot to tell you about the Angry Bird toys.

See, ice cream is a standard bribe that Doug and I employ to get our kids to look at boring old ruins.  Almost every ice cream shop we have passed so far had ads for "Angry Birds Ice Cream" -- and failed to deliver.  As my kids are obsessed with Angry Birds, this was a constant source of woe and misery. But in Bethlehem, on Milk Grotto Street, there is a little shop that actually has Angry Birds ice cream.  The kids were beside themselves with joy.  Imagine their glee when they discovered that each ice cream wrapper also contained a tiny Angry Birds pencil topper.  The happiness this evoked was undescribable.  It's as if they never had a toy ever in their lives before.

Anyway.  Angry Birds and olive wood scraps make great companions, in case you were wondering.  And while the parents come away from Bethlehem with impressions of tiny doors and Palestinian bookshops, the kids will always remember their Angry Bird toys.  In fact, as Jacob asked me today, can we please go back to the place where Jesus was born?  Because in that one street, there is that one shop...

 

The Mountain of God

So we are in Palestine for five weeks.

Doug has a project here, and after long and angst-ridden discussions we decided to come as one big package.  That's, as my husband calls it, quite reckless.  He has no steady job at the moment and although we can live quite cheaply here,  the flights alone were frighteningly expensive.  But then again - the Holy Land!  Three world religions collide!  Whenever do you get to live here for a bit and really delve into the country and the people and learn and see and explore?  It's a rare chance, and we decided to jump at it.  While I still bemoan the funds we invested into El Al, I can't be sorry we came.  It's fascinating and lovely and I'm glad we can show this to the kids (and to ourselves). 

On our first evening, we saw a fat full moon rise over the Palestinian hills - it was breathtakingly beautiful.   Right now, the muezzin is calling to prayer - a sound that is so intimately known to me that I sighed a little breath of relief when I first heard it.  I had no idea that I missed it so much.
(For those readers -- do I still have readers? -- who don't know, I grew up in Istanbul and heard the muezzin every day.  I can sing right along.)

We are living the suburb of Al-Bireh in a corporate apartment complex that is eerily empty and houses, according to the many "CD" license plates in the parking lot, mostly diplomats from all over the world.  We don't see many of them, though.  Are they all on summer break? It's very quiet, and we have the pool entirely to ourselves.  The apartment is shockingly cheap - something is going on that we don't understand yet.  The complex is heavily guarded and I'm not sure whether that is necessary or a sellable feature for all those diplomats.

Ramallah, or "Mountain of God", lies almost 1000m above sea level and has a constant breeze going - which is why Jordanian princes liked to hang out here in the summer.   The weather is invariably nice and the skies are always blue (at the moment) but the temperatures are only around 20 t0 25C.  That's less than we thought, and the breeze is cool, and the pool water is cold.  That doesn't stop us from using it but there are chattering teeth all around when the kids emerge from the waters. 

But already, three days in, we can see the benefit of daily swimming:  Alan's swimming has evolved nicely style-wise, David is very determinedly recapturing what he's lost in over a year of not swimming much (Moldova had no pools that were easily accessible to us), Jacob ditched his floaties after the first day and is swimming short stretches, and Leah....  Well, Leah.  The first day, she didn't want to let go of me, despite the floaties.  The second day, she climbed in and out of the water all the time without actually getting her arms wet.  Yesterday, she swam like a little dog, paddling through the entire pool and her feet never touching the ground.  At this speed, she'll be swimming at the end of our stay!  That alone makes it all worth-while.

The city itself reminds me a lot of Turkish cities.  Not beautiful but with gorgeous old houses tucked away into secluded gardens, with a bustle and masses of people pushing themselves along the crowded sidewalks, the roads awash in cars that don't seem to follow any rule.  The grocery stores are tiny and carry only the odd products, while fruit stalls sell mostly Israeli fruit for not very cheap prices.  I have to get used to haggling again.  Haven't done that in a while.  Shopping is complicated and would be frustrating if we didn't only stay a few weeks.  Considering that, we just make do and carry on.

 Yesterday, we went to the Stars & Bucks Cafe where the owner was besides himself over my blonde kids (so many!  and three boys!!).  I had a strong coffee and the kids had cookies -- and I was amused about the obvious Starbucks rip-off.  They even have frappuccinos (new!) and I will try those next.  Tomorrow, we will go and explore Jeruslam, mostly the Old City. 

I'm not going to include too many images while we are here in Palestine.  While we have wireless access in the apartment, upload is terribly slow and takes forever.  But here's one of the view we have from the pool, complete with the minaret of our local mosque, a radio tower, and the ubiquitous water tanks.  ("How can you tell an Israelian settlement from a Palestinian one?  The Palestinian one has water tanks." -- See Doug's blog for why.)

More tomorrow!

Our summer bucket list

Our summers tend to slink past.  Not that I don't love lazy summer days but in our house, it's good to have a few goals in mind.  You know, for those "I'm bored" and endless-rainy days.  Because those happen a lot in German summers. 
So I signed us up for the Summer Bucket List Challenge.  It's nothing fancy - it just encourages you to write up a list of things to do.  There are lots of good ideas to draw from, so we sat down and here's what we got so far.

Our bucket list is heavily skewed because the kids and I are going to accompany Doug who is working on a five-week project in Ramallah.  So, in no particular order, our summer bucket list:

1. Visiting the Biblical Zoo
2. Sleeping over at Opa's cabin in the woods
3. Floating in the Dead Sea
4. Painting stones like bugs
5. Summer sledding on the Wasserkuppe
6. Climbing the Masada and watching the sunrise (no sunrise)
7. Making oobleck
8. Creating a map of Fladungen
9. Finishing the quilt I've been working on
10. Visiting the Youth Wing in the Israel Museum
11. Walking around the Old City in Jerusalem
12. Hiking along the Jordan River
13. Spending a day in Bethlehem
14. Watching the fish and coral in the Read Sea Underwater Observatory in Eilat {Cancelled}
15. Walking around Petra {Cancelled}
16. Goofing off on the beach in Tel Aviv {Cancelled}
17. Making a lemonade stand
18. Backyard campout
19. Making giant bubble wands for super-bubbles
20. Making popsicles, a lot
21. Making jam out of backyard berries
22. Going to the Children's museum in Fulda
23. Sidewalk chalk painting
24. Eating lots of Middle Eastern food
25. Bringing home good olive oil
26. Making a scrapbook about our Israel trip
27. Spending entire days at the local pool
28. Teaching Jacob and Leah how to swim
29. Taking long walks after dinner
30. Doing lots of crafts
31. Helping Oma host a family reunion
32. Tickling my nephews until they scream, "Stop!"
33. Photographing my new niece
34. Painting the walls in the boys' room
35. Reading
36. Playing tetherball
37. Building a seating area in the backyard
38. Making a plan for the rest of the year
39. Learning to skip stones
40. Making a giant puzzle that takes weeks to complete (b/c now we have a space where we can leave it)

(Anything that is completely is striked through.)

So, that's how much we've got so far.  We're very excited about our upcoming trip - we're leaving in less than a week!  When we come back, we will have to face some tough decisions about the future, so we decided to have lots of fun and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy this trip. 

Which, incidentally, should make this blog more interesting, as well.

Nature Study

We are new converts to Anna Comstock's Handbook of Nature Study.  I stumbled upon this via my UU Homeschooling group where the owner of Intellego Unit Studies is a member and somehow I came from there to this website which is dedicated to that very book, Handbook of Nature Study.

I love nature anyway, and we do have daily outside time for the kids, and we take enough walks with them to make them really strong hikers.  They can walk for miles and miles.  We haven't had as many walks in Chisinau as we would have wanted but now we have nature right in our backyard again, a good time as any to start with a more intensive version of our nature study.

I read a few chapters of the book and I have to say, it's lovely.  Make no mistake, this is a hefty volume and cannot be touted around during walks.  The Blogspot site says very clearly that the book is not a field guide, and it isn't.  But it shows you what's important and it's a bottomless pit of interesting information.  The book is quite aged, it is celebrating its 100th birthday this year.  But nature doesn't change so quickly, and many views that Anna Comstock holds are surprisingly modern:

During many years, I have been watching teachers in our public schools in their conscientious and ceaseless work; and so far as I can foretell, the fate that awaits them finally is either nerve eshaustion or nerve atrophy.
[...]
In my belief, there are two and only two occupations for Saturday afternoon or frenoon for a teacher.   One is to be out-of-doors and the other is to lie in bed, and the first is best.

She encourages to say "I don't know" when one doesn't -- a concept that must have been very strange in the early 1900s.  She doesn't paint nature in rosy tones and doesn't glorify, a tendency of tree-huggers that I've always found a bit strange. 

Jacob is doing a new program and his unit right now is about habitats.  This tied in nicely with the nature studies, so we decided to do the outdoor challenges that the Blogspot website suggests. 

Yesterday, we set out for our first tour of discovery.  Our chosen nature study spot is right around my Dad's cabin in the woods.  It's lovely there and the kids love it so much.  There's tons to discover, like a hidden pond with lots of carp, and the remains of a settlement given up hundreds of years ago.  It makes me happy to see my kids roam through the forest, picking up stickss, climbing rocks.   Doing this with a bit of reflection afterwards can only be good for them.

We found last night's frost in the shade.

Leah found pine cones and when I showed her from where they came, she was stunned by the enormous trees towering over her.

We found different types of lichen on trees:

We found a dead tree with a curtain of bark hanging down:

We found lots and lots of beech nuts:

Trees.  There's something about them, no?

Mommy got to play around with some sun flare:

The kids very gamely posed for a memory photo on what they insisted was the old city wall of the abandonned town:

The plan is to go to this spot every week and observe the changes.  Let's see how that works out.

The law of the land

Some days are rougher than others.  Some days start out good, turn bad, and turn to good again.  Today was one of those days.  It started with kids all waking up happy, with laughter and fun.  It started with good school and then turned bad when an unnamed kid just would not cooperate at all.  Let's just gloss over the next three hours.  It all turned good again when said kid realized his behavior was causing unhappiness for everybody and tried his best to remedy the situation.  Now, everybody is happy and all smiles again.  That chestnut necklace he made for me as a token of apology sure didn't hurt.

While he and his helper slaved away on the chestnuts (it was a secret project and caused, I was told, lots of pricked fingers -- "but look, I can still move my hand, so it was not so bad!"), Jacob had the idea of writing down the "rules of school":

1. Have a great teacher!

2. Do your reading lesson daily

3. Do your writing assignment

4. Get A's, no F's

5. Don't be grumpy, be happy!

6. Put your stuff where it belongs (jackets on the hooks!)

7. Clean up after you finish playing (that's a carpet with toys on it - have you ever stepped on a piece of Lego with bare feet?  Sensible rule, that.)

I will frame them and put them on the wall because they are awesome, and because at the beginning of school, he couldn't write at all.  I think he's done an amazing job.  Don't tell me he didn't do a great job because I won't listen to you. Also, I'm not biased in the least.

And as a bonus picture, the girl returning from the park with her loot:

Fall flowers and chestnuts.  Happy 2nd day of autumn!

 

The Beach

Last weekend (the one before this), we went to the beach.

Yes, I hear you.  Moldova is a landlocked country.  Believe me, we are acutely aware of this.  No, we had decided months ago to spend one weekend in our old hunting grounds in Mamaia, Romania.  That's where we used to go when we lived in Bucharest, oh those many years ago.

That particular weekend was dictated by the fact that we wanted Alan and his old friend Georgie to meet.  They were best buddies in Yerevan and even though they haven't seen each other for four years, they still talked about each other, so we Moms conspired to bring them together for a very special playdate.

We spent twelve friggin' hours driving to Mamaia.  No, that's not normal.  Someone of Doug's acquaintance suggested taking the route south through Gagauziya, crossing at Galati and then driving through Dobrugea to Mamaia.  I had no problems with the latter part but the Gagauziya thing?  Not a great idea.  In retrospect, it was wonderful to see this part of the country and I delighted in reading the quasi-Turkish signs and explaining to my family what they meant. 

But first we spent a needless hour getting lost while trying to find the road south.  The navigator is notoriously unreliable in Moldova, and mapreading skills are unevenly distributed in this family.   Halfway to Transnistria, we realized our mistake, turned around and finally figured out where to go.  Suddenly we found ourselves on a wonderful, smooth, empty Autobahn-style road and you just know this story cannot have a good ending.   That road abruptly ends after a little while, much too soon, and then you are left to go over increasingly REALLY BAD roads.  We had everything from cobblestones to dirt to square concrete blocks that were not seamlessly fitted together.  Not to mention missing pieces of road right where you don't seem them.  Steep inclines no road should have, with the respective sheer drops on the other side.  The boys called them "rollercoaster" roads.  You know that I've driven some bad roads on this planet, so when I say it was bad, it was very bad.

The landscape was nice, though.  Did you know that thousands years ago the Black Sea was much bigger?  Those dunes in southern Gagauziya (I just love that word) are actually beaches.  Only, the water isn't there anymore, it's now 50 km further to the east. 

However, the border crossing at Guirguilesti/Reni took three (3) hours.  It was unbelievably slow.  I have no idea what took so long because it was not that they frisked the cars or grilled the people.  They were just slow.  Very.  Slow.

So instead of being at the beach at 3 pm as we had planned, we stood in the non-moving line for the next three hours.  The kids, I have to say, were great.  They even tolerated the proselytizing attempt of some Baptist ministers with good humor.

At six we were in Galati and stopped at the McDonald's.  Then we crossed the Danube on a tiny car ferry and finally got to Mamaia a mere three hours later.  We went straight to the beach, in the dark.  And again the next day.  And the day after that.  We went to the AquaMagic waterpark where Doug spun in the toilet bowl, we rode the Telegondola, we met Georgie and his family and Alan spent Saturday afternoon with his friend.  I'm so bummed I didn't make a photo of them!  Meanwhile, I got the best massage of my life.  Boy, it hurt!  It was very painful but afterwards, I felt wonderful and for the first time in maybe years, my neck didn't give me any trouble for days.  Unless I touched the sore muscles, but that's a small price to pay.  Saturday evening we went to the beach again,  and then one more time on Sunday before we needed to go back.  We had the most wonderful time and the kids were just besides themselves.  They had so much fun and now they are talking constantly about when we can go back.

I pleaded with Doug but his work didn't allow for another day off, so we had to go back on Sunday.  We took a different route and were much quicker.

The end.

The Jewish Cemetery

We discovered the Jewish cemetery yesterday.  It's located only a few blocks from our house.  I went to look at it, and Jacob wanted to come along.  The cemetery is easily found once you know where it is.  It is completely surrounded by a 7 ft wall and has one gate on Strada Milano which we found open.

Almost immediately, a sense of loss and sadness overcame us.  The graves are very close together, almost in a tumble, and many are fenced in or placed in little locked pavillions.  Some of those pavillions have benches inside, for the mourners to come and sit in contemplation.  What struck us most was the state of neglect and disrepair - the footpaths are overgrown with weeds and wild flowers, the fences are rusted and falling down, the stone plates on many graves smashed and fallen in.  Sometimes, it looked like purposeful distruction, sometimes just like time has taken its toll.  Most of the graves, however, were relatively recent - we found the majority to be from the 1960s and 70s (we didn't stray too far from the main walkway, though, so the older graves may be hidden in the labyrinthian depths).  There were a few recent ones, even one from 2011.  On the whole, though, it seemed like at some point, this place has simply fallen out of the minds of people.  Fallen trees on graves, benches broken down and headstones tumbled over.  Lizards were rushing away when we approached.  We saw only two graves that had the little stones on them that mark someone's passage.

The graveyard reminded me of others I have seen in Eastern Europe - the inscriptions often in Cyrillic, the headstones decorated with porcellain medaillons bearing painted or etched portraits.  Row upon row, women, men and kids look at you solemnly, keeping their stories to themselves.

It was a bright summer's day but the mood in the cemetery was haunting, spooky and melancholy.  Jacob was very touched and asked a great many questions that only mystics dare to answer: Why do people die, why do children die, where do people go when they are dead, and why are there so very many dead people?  The cemetery is large, the graves very close together, and only little footpaths lead to most.  As you follow those, they will sometimes twist and turn and lead you to larger walkways, and sometimes they will dead-end at someone's grave and you will have to retrace your steps.  Along the inside of the wall, debris has accumulated, broken tablets with inscriptions, foam insulation that someone tossed there, rubble, trash.  It would take dedication and years of work to clean this place up.

Jacob was especially sad about the grave of a little boy who died at 2 years of age in 1951.  His little grave is located right near the gates and we passed it on our way in.  He kept talking about the little boy, and asked many questions.  I told him about the tradition of placing stones on the graves, and while we walked, he collected some little rocks.  As we walked towards the gates again, we saw an old woman who watched us with great suspicion.  She made to approach us, obviously both curious and somewhat angry that we trespassed.  Jacob got a bit scared but then he determinedly tip-toed to the little boy's grave and carefully arranged his rock collection on the grave.  When we turned to leave, the old woman's face was friendly, and she nodded at us gravely.  We were forgiven.

(A few more photos are available on my Flickr site - see link on the right)

Moving on

Finally.

So, back in 2008, before Leah was born, Doug was offered a job as CoP of a project in Moldova.  We turned it down - thinking that there are many jobs out there and that we wanted to have some family downtime before and shortly after the baby arrived.  Hah! Never laughed so hard...

Three years later, the CoP of that project leaves early and we snatch up the tail end of the project, and very happily so.  A karmic cycle has closed.   Maybe now things get rolling again!

Btw, Doug has written a short post on the subject here.

This will probably also resurrect this blog.   Living in Germany is just not that exotic to me, you know.  But we'll drive to Chisinau in a few weeks, and probably do some traveling before that, so there will be plenty of material (and photo ops!).

Now, seven months is not a long time and we're basically packing like for a really long trip.  I'm not even sure we'll have a ground ship - we'll rent furnished and just wing it.  For seven months, it would be more trouble than worth it.  When the move arrives after a month or two, it'll almost be time to pack again!

Next: finding a place, deciding what to pack.  I'll keep you posted, and this time I mean it!

Busy is good

We're keeping busy.  Things we did today:

• Complete clean-up of Alan and David's room - not a speck of dust (or toy) on the floor
• Got the Lego box from the attic
• Got puzzles from Leah from the attic
• Did puzzles with Jacob and Leah for a while
• Had a giant lunch with three helpings for every child
• Swung in the hammock with all kids
• Jumped on the trampoline
• Exclaimed at the witches' ring in the backyard
• Fell helplessly in love with felt food
• Wrote another blog post (heh!)

Things that are on my to-do list now:

• Car caddy for Jacob's birthday in October
• Felt food for Leah for Christmas (like this and I totally need to have this party for her at some point in the next five years or so)
• Also a fabric doll house.  I mean, how could I not?
• And also, this jumper

What do I do about the witches' ring?  That's what we call these:

 

Cool, eh?  I suppose they will go away once I run over them with the lawn mower which is on the to-do list for tomorrow.  I'm a bit freaked because Leah showed great interest and Leah eats everything and I'm pretty sure these are not for consumption.  Too bad, really, since mushrooms of all kinds are about the only things that still grow well in my yard.  Wet summer, thousands of slugs, some kind of tomato rot and grape rot (due to the wet weather).   Not my most successful gardening year.

Btw, the original picture had the rose climbing thingie in it.  I erased it with Photoshop CS5 in about two seconds with the new content-aware feature.  This seriously rocks:

I didn't bother brushing it up, just wanted to see what it could do.  I'm very impressed.

Postponing your life. Not.

In one of those strange coincidences that makes life interesting, I read an article this morning that resonated very strongly with me.

Meg Riley, the still-new senior minister of the Church of the Larger Fellowship (MY church!) wrote in the latest issue of Quest:

We are all coming and going, all the time. Life is a rhythm of transitions held by these two major journeys into infinity, birth and death. If you are like me, though, you miss a great deal of your life telling yourself that real life will begin after a major transition looming ahead—after you graduate from school, find a new job, get rid of a horrible roommate, meet with your parole officer, get married, get divorced—right after that, then life will begin!

That’s how we miss our lives, miss what we are given each morning as a gift, fail to notice the small moments of grace in our coming and going every day. Rumi, a Sufi poet, wrote:

The life gift is given
And then taken away.
It is not for us to know why, or how.
Grace comes with the creation word, Be.
That gate opens without hesitating.
Between the push of Buh
And the smooth launch of ee,
There is an infinite moment
When everything happens.
Grace comes with the creation word, Be.
That gate opens without  hesitating.

Read the whole thing.  It made me cry because it came at a time when this was especially true in our lives.  Thank you, Meg, for expressing my sentiments much better than I ever could.